All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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