cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
