I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
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He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
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The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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