You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
