but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
