I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
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HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize