I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
True but thats because hes a fetus.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
