somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I puked a lego.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
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