oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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