There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
