Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
