Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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