i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Randomize
