it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...