Plan B is the new Plan A
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.