i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
