Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
