I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
