I can text with my tongue
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
