if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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