when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
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i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
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I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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