I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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