i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
