What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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