I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
