woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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