dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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