im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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