Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
