I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
