Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
