Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
