I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I wish i was in the wii world.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
