WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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