is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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