The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
