i would punch a child for taco bell
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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