Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
