On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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