My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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