Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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