I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize