I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
