do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
