she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
zippers are such a cool invention
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
