they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
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Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
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Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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