She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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