I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
