My hair reeks of homosexuality.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
