Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
