He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
