Where are you?
In a non slutty way
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
