we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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