i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
