can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
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The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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