This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
