before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
