i don't like sucking hair
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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