I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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