So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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