Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
