no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
ugly people sure do ruin things
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
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