Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
