I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
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Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
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I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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