my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
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