I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
