I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
