If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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