I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
