We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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