My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
