I wish my penis had an off switch
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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