I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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