The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
