well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
