sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Randomize
