i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
my being single is dangerous.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Randomize
