wanna go halves on a baby?
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
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