Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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