my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
