Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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