Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
