I hate all girls vehemently.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
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once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
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Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow