I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
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Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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