When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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