all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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